A shepherd is herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advances out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Prada suit, Gucci shoes, Dior sunglasses and D+G tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd:
”If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?”

The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers:
“Sure. Why not?”

The yuppie parks his car,

* whips out his Dell notebook computer.
* connects it to his Vodafone cell phone.
* surfs to a NASA page on the internet.
* calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location.
* which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
* He then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop.
* exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.
* Within seconds, he receives an e-mail on his Palm Pilot that the image has
been processed and the data stored.
* He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC-connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulae.
* He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry.
* After a few minutes, receives a response.
* Finally, he prints out a full-colour, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturised HP LaserJet printer.

He then turns to the shepherd and says:
“You have exactly 1,586 sheep'”

“That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep” says the shepherd.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the boot of his car.

Then the shepherd says to the young man:
“Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?”

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says:
“Okay, why not?”

“You're a consultant” says the shepherd.

“Wow! That's correct”, says the yuppie. “But how did you guess that?”

“No guessing required,” answers the shepherd.

“You showed up here even though nobody called you, you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked and you know f**k-all about my business.

Now give me back my dog.”

Doodle's Dawdle by Alastair Montgomery
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M.A.D. - Missle Command

Life GH Com
Pipes Output

M.A.D. - Today's Time Waster

Filed under: Fun, Games, Time-Wasters

M.A.D. - Mutually Assured Destruction
If you enjoyed the arcade classic Missile Command, you will be happy to know that today's time waster is right up your alley. M.A.D., short for Mutually Assured Destruction, takes the classic Missile Command concept and builds on it with a variety of different upgrades, abilities, and enemy projectiles.

The goal of the game is to survive an onslaught of incoming missiles. You do this by shooting your own missiles at the incoming ones, which requires a little bit of reaction speed and dexterity as you have to aim yours on an intercepting path. However, although you will initially only be bombarded with plain go-in-a-straight-line missiles, you will soon have to face homing missiles and missiles with irregular flight patterns. Of course, to deal with these oddballs, you have an arsenal of support weapons to help make things easier, ranging from flak weaponry, emp discharges, and localized time distortion fields.

What all of this really means, is that if you have some time that needs disposing, M.A.D. is there to help - especially if you enjoy time wasters of the survival type.

Sniffer Dog

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sits down in the aisle seat and puts his black Labrador in the middle seat next to the man.

The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why the dog is allowed on the plane.

The second man explains that he is a Drug Enforcement Agency officer and the dog is a "Sniffer dog". "His name is Smithy and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work."

The plane takes off, and once it has levelled out, the agent says:

Watch this." He tells Smithy to "search".

Smithy jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Smithy then returns to his seat and puts one paw on the agent's arm.

The agent says, "Good boy", and he turns to the man and says: "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land."

"Say, that's pretty neat," replies the first man.

Once again, the agent sends Smithy to search the aisles. The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to his seat and this time, he places TWO paws on the agent's arm.

The agent says, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making note of his seat number for the police."

"I like it!" says his seat mate.

The agent then tells Smithy to "search" again.

Smithy walks up and down the aisles for a little while, sits down for a moment and then comes racing back to the agent, jumps into the middle seat and proceeds to shit all over the place.

The first man is really amazed out by this behaviour and can't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like this, so he asks the agent "What's going on?" . . . .

The agent nervously replies, "He just found a bomb."

Doodle's Dawdle by Alastair Montgomery
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PicMe Photo Sharing

PicMe Photo Sharing

PicMe Photo Sharing

PicMe Photo Sharing

Easily share high quality photos with friends and family

  • The easiest way to share 1000's of photos
  • The highest quality sharing experience
  • Get started with hundreds of photos for Free
  • Works with Flickr, Facebook and more.

Windows 2000, XP & Vista

Shoe boxWhat is PicMe?

The photos that you love to share, view and enjoy are now hidden away in your computer like a digital shoe box.

PicMe is a tool for letting you easily see, view, share and enjoy your thousands of pictures. PicMe makes it easy to share a lifetime collection of photos quickly and securely with friends and family, right from your desktop.

PicMe uses stacks to allow you to see 1000's of photos at once. You have to try to see for yourself. It'is absolutely free to try, so sign up and try it yourself.

Screenshot of PicMe 3D photo sharing application

PicMe displays photos in stacks allowing you to see and share 1000's of images.

Help Information | Developers | Terms of Service | About Raizlabs

It's dark in here

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Just after getting into bed the woman's husband also comes home unexpectedly, she tells her lover to hide in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in there.
After a little while the little boy says, 'Dark in here.
The man, who obviously got a real fright not expecting to hear anything, let alone from a little boy says, 'Yes, it is.'
Boy - 'I have a football.'
Man - 'That's nice.'
Boy - 'Want to buy it?'
Man - 'No, thanks.'
Boy - 'My dad's outside.'
Man - 'OK, how much?'
Boy - '£250'
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.
Boy - 'Dark in here.'
Man - 'Yes, it is.'
Boy - 'I have football boots.'
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'OK How much this time?'
Boy - '£750'
Man - 'Sold.'
A few days later, the boys' father says to the boy, 'Grab your boots and football, let's go outside and have a game of soccer.
The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my ball and boots.'
The father asks, 'How much did you sell them for and to who?'
The boy says, 'To a friend of mine for a £1,000.'
The father says, 'That's a terrible thing to do, overcharging your friend like that'. 'That's ten times what they cost when they were new, I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your terrible sin.'
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, 'Dark in here'.
The priest says, 'Don't start that shit again you little prick, you're in my cupboard now'!!

Doodle's Dawdle by Alastair Montgomery
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My Pictures for sale