New Ohio Roller Coaster so, would you?

Would you go on it?


Nuff said......

Why We Love Children

Why We Love Children

1. A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.

'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.

'Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child innocently.

'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.

'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move'

2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.

Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....'

'What?'

'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'

'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'

Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....'

'WHAT?'

'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'

' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!'

Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....'

'WHAT!'

'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?'

3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?'

The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!''

4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, 'Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?'

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.

'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.'

A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:

'The big sissy.'

5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon.

All the children were invited to come forward.

One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the minister leaned over and said, 'That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?'

The little girl replied, directly into the minister's clip-on

microphone, 'Yes, and my Mum says it's a bitch to iron.'

6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.

She said, 'Mummy, you are getting fat!'

I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her tummy.'

'I know,' she replied, but what's growing in your bum?'

7. A little boy was doing his math homework.

He said to himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.

Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine....'

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What are you doing?'

The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my math homework, Mum.'

'And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?' the mother asked

'Yes,' he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, 'What are you

teaching my son in math?'

The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning addition.'

The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?'

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, 'What I taught them

was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.'

8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, '.... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!'

The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you think that farmer said?'

One little girl raised her hand and said, 'I think he said:

'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!''

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter.'

Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, 'I'm Jane

Sugarbrown.'

The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, 'Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?'

She replied, 'I thought I was, but mother says I'm not.'

10. A little girl asked her mother, 'Can I go outside and play

with the boys?'

Her mother replied, 'No, you can't play with the boys, they're

too rough.'

The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,

If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?'

11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.

She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake The barber says to her,

'Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin.'

She says, 'Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too.'


Doodle's Dawdle by Alastair Montgomery
My Shop at CafePress, My Shop at Zazzle Sign My Guestbook

Thanks for 2007's emails

My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about cockroach eggs in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program .....

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the £5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Have a great 2008 and

Keep smiling

Doodle's Dawdle by Alastair Montgomery
My Shop at CafePress, My Shop at Zazzle Sign My Guestbook

Radio Prank Calls

Scott Mills on Radio 1 in the UK


USA Radio prank calls go wrong





Doodle's Dawdle by Alastair Montgomery
My Shop at CafePress, My Shop at Zazzle Sign My Guestbook

Drug names

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen.

Aleve is also called Naproxen.

Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.



The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.

After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.

Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.



Pfizer Corp announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink' . Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.


Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.


Doodle's Dawdle by Alastair Montgomery
My Shop at CafePress, My Shop at Zazzle Sign My Guestbook

Chasing Pavements, Adele

New single Chasing Pavements by Adele


Doodle's Dawdle by Alastair Montgomery
My Shop at CafePress, My Shop at Zazzle Sign My Guestbook

Engineering Game




Download Squad Download Squad
Download Squad

Engineering Game - Today's Time Waster

By Emily Price on TimeWaster

Filed under: , , ,

We played this engineering game for the first time almost a week ago, and have yet to make it past level one. Now we've decided to ask our dear readers to help us out on beating this thing so we can get back to more important things like blogging.

The idea behind the game is fairly simple. You're given a little island. There are eight different types of engineering you can bring to the island and you decide which order to activate them in. Each development will affect the others you've already activated in allowing the island to grow so it's important to pick the right order. The ultimate goal is to get each advancement level maxed out (developments max out at 9 or 10 levels), and then you proceed to the next level...a level which we have never seen.

The Choices are Electrical Engineering, Computer Science, Civil Engineering, Applied Chemistry, Aeronautic, Marine and automotive engineering, Architecture, Environmental Engineering, and Mechanical Engineering. We've managed to get pretty far: our island dwellers have fell in love and had children, built rocket ships that travel to the moon, and created robots that build tunnels and bridges. Right before we select our last thing to add however an alien like creature always comes out of the volcano on the island and drips some sort of hyperactive sludge on our community. Our final numbers usually include maxing out 3 or 4 sections but then being at level one or two on others.

Some things we've learned: If you have people living in your house and don't activate "Environmental Engineering" then your little man walks outside, doesn't have anywhere to throw away his trash and in retaliation goes on a tree cutting down spree that seems to end in his death as well. If you activate "Applied Chemistry" too early then the volcano trembles and breaks your beaker before you can do anything with it...maybe there's a way to stop the volcano?

So we beg you: help us. If you figure it out tell us how you did it.

[Thanks (we think) Jay]
Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments

Comments

Play filler

Play filler, a free online game on Kongregate


Doodle's Dawdle by Alastair Montgomery
My Shop at CafePress, My Shop at Zazzle Sign My Guestbook

How glasses change the way your look


How glasses change the way your look

3346.jpg (JPEG Image, 680x1924 pixels)

Alastair Montgomery's Photography
Main Page,
My Shop at CafePress, My Shop at Zazzle Sign My Guestbook
In association with Zazzle.com

Bloglines - With Ball-point pen, you can create masterpieces

Just shows you don't need expensive tools to create great art.


Curious, Funny Photos / Pictures

With Ball-point pen, you can create masterpieces

By Blogger on Creative

Proved by Juan Francisco Casas

Click the photos to Enlarge


http://www.juanfranciscocasas.com/









Hippo and dog



Doodle's Dawdle by Alastair Montgomery
My Shop at CafePress, My Shop at Zazzle Sign My Guestbook

Tank Accidents!

Tanks for the memories


Dark Roasted Blend

Tank Accidents! - Part 2

By Avi Abrams

"QUANTUM SHOT" #360
link



Also read Part 1

Not every tank likes a challenge

In a curious reversal of roles, the powerful and frightening tanks depicted here are not so threatening any more. In fact, they are downright in distress - either flipped by a sleight of fate, or mired in spectacular amount of dirt. Overwhelmed... and definitely not invincible.



Stuck in some legendary Russian mud:


















(images credit: tanksandarmour)













UN armored vehicles get in trouble, mostly due to the totally messed-up roads:




(image credit: Chris Smith)

Action! Adventure!


(image credit: cockanippledoo)









155mm of pure destruction -


(image credit: cszar)

Squashing smaller vehicles. Survival of the biggest






(image credit: cszar)


(image credit: Sabine & Gerd Plewka)


(image credit: Nick Lawes)

Picture-perfect Tank Wrecks





Interesting modifications:

Lamborghini Tank:





This Soviet armored vehicle has an extra set of tracks, which are only deployed when the going gets tough. Otherwise, the tracks are lifted to assure high speed of the vehicle.






(image credit: Russian Arms)

In some places even graffiti confirms the tank's hard life:


(image credit: atryu)

The source of all driving trouble?
Somehow we knew it all along -



READ THE FIRST PART HERE

+StumbleUpon

Permanent Link...
Category: Military,Weird
Related Posts:Tank Bling!, Strange Tanks

Dark Roasted Blend's Photography Gear Picks:



My Pictures for sale