The Happy Little Rabbit

A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!"
The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.

Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!"
The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up. "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!"
The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the shit out of the little rabbit.

As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask,
"Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"

The lion answers, "That little fucker makes me run around the forest like an idiot for hours every time he's on ecstasy!"


Doodle's Dawdle by Alastair Montgomery
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All banged up

Man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to
foot.


The doctor comes in and says 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now
you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway.'
'You're going to be OK, you'll walk again, but something happened. I'm trying to break this gently but your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.'


Now the bloke groans a bit but the doctor goes on,
'You've got £9000 compensation coming to you and we have the
technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did,
better in fact. But
the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's a thousand pounds an inch.'

The bloke perks up at this.


'So the thing is' the doctor says, 'it's for you to decide
how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss
with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before and you decide to
go for a nine incher she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch
one before and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time she
might be disappointed.
So it's important that she plays a role in helping you
make the decision.'


So the bloke agrees to talk with his wife and the
doctor comes back the next day.


'So' says the doctor 'Have you spoken with your
wife?'


'I have.' says the fellow.


'And has she helped you in making the decision?'


'She has' says the bloke.


'And what is it?' asks the doctor. . .



'We're having a new kitchen'.


Doodle's Dawdle by Alastair Montgomery
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Being British

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!

Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

NOT TO MENTION..

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.

and finally...

In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.

If you're proud to be British, send this on!


Doodle's Dawdle by Alastair Montgomery
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Bono in Scotland

Bono, the lead singer of the band, U2, is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.

At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

A voice with a broad Scottish accent from the front of the crowd pierced the quiet. . ...

"Well, feckin stop daein it then, ya evil basturd !"

Doodle's Dawdle by Alastair Montgomery
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Free Video Games

Libregamewiki is an encyclopedia on all the Free video games and the Free gaming culture in general. Libregamewiki currently has about 112

articles right now!

No freeware. No shareware. No crippleware. No spyware. No proprietary softwares. Just pure Free games!

If you want an article to be added to the encyclopedia, please consult the Article Policy to see if the article you want can be included.

Main Page - Libregamewiki

Self Defense - Wrist Control


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2REG3-Wb5gM

Doodle's Dawdle by Alastair Montgomery
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Irish Viagra

An Irish woman of advanced years visited her physician to ask for his help in reviving her husband's libido.

"What about trying Viagra", asks the doctor. "Not a chance, he won't even take an aspirin." she said.

"Not a problem" replied the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra. Drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."

A week later, she called the doctor and exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! It was horrid! Just terrible, doctor! Really!
I did as you said and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, took me passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"

"Why so terrible", asked the doctor. "Do you mean the sex wasn't good?"


"T'was the best sex I’ve had in 25 years, to be sure. But sure as I'm sittin' here, I ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!?"



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